“Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud;

Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,

And loathsome canker lies in sweetest bud.

All men make faults.”

-William Shakespeare

J'aime à vous tous

Non, je ne regrriette rien.

au revoir

=)

At the end of the day,
I know who my heart belongs to.

At the end of the day,
there is no need for words.
The heart will know.
I will know.

and i will start to filter.

Words don't suffice.
There's too much to say, too much to convey.
Too much of thoughts, too much of wonder,
too much of everything,endless desire,endless possibilities,
endless ideas, for me at least.

I have so much i want to know, so much i want to experience and sometimes i can't write it all in words.
i think It's the lack of vocabulary or it's just not enough to say it's wonderful because it's more than just wonderful.
It's not enough to describe how i feel or use metaphors to explain the way i think.

It's nice to write,
it's therapeutic,
It arranges your thoughts neatly.

The best thing about writing-you can always look back at what you've written and remember and see how much you've grown.

I bought a sketchbook and a box consisting 24 colour pencils.
I've decided to sketch.
Sketching is not new to me.
Sketching as an avenue to let my thoughts run, is new to me.

My heart is an ocean,
and my thoughts are endlessly running.
I need this.

so,
Does anyone want to join me whilst I sketch amidst the beauty of nature?
We can sit silently together.

-

Learning To breathe-Switchfoot

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

-

I dreamt of Eugene Lim my (puppy-love boyfriend) in primary 3
It's strange. He looks different in my dream.
He's still nice as ever.
I wonder how he is now.
I never knew what happened between us.
He was also my best-friend in primary school. he looked after me till i was about primary 4.
I was on my own the remaining years in primary School.

I still remember the bracelet he made for me.
I can't remember what i did to it.
I think it's lost, i might have thrown it away.

I remember walking home with him cause he lived one block away.
We'd talk, laugh and just be kids.
We use to ride our bicycle together and go to this patch of land which is now occupied buy a church and just sat at a mat out and watch the public buses go by.
Or we would play that "digimon" game that used to be so popular.
Or i'd give him a Hello Kitty because he liked it.
I wonder whether he still likes hello kitty.

It sounds gay.
At that time it didn't matter whether it was gay. Nobody cared.

We didn't have much to talk about. We talked mostly about school and how much we'd be there for each other.
I don't recall any of us saying "I love you."
It was simple.We both just knew there was love, even if it was puppy love.
It was innocent.

I miss having him around.
I mean I miss him as the young Eugene Lim.

I have no idea where he is now.
Last I heard, he moved out of Yishun.
The last time i saw him was at Northpoint.

That was probably 6-7 years ago.

Hi Eugene Lim,
I miss us in primary school.

-

I've been reading Sophie's World.
I'm enjoying the book.
The problem is, now i'm secretly wishing I will receive letters from a philosopher everyday.
It sounds so fun. Can i be sophie?

Hope is a decision and so is Despair.
Hope is Faith - Pope Benedict XVI, Hebrews 11:1; " The assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen"

Hope is a decision for good over evil, light over darkness, love over hate.

I think having a clique is just another way to hide the fear of being alone.

-

Dictionary Meaning:
Cliques:a small, exclusive group of people

I saw this on facebook:
This is a group for all the fans who dislikes having annoying buggers who keep following your cliques everywhere you go, just like a parasite.

I don't understand people who fight/try to be in a clique, people who don't let people hang out with their clique because they're "high and mighty" and the rest outside the four walls of the clique are apparently "parasites" And i hate people saying " oh, i'm meeting my clique later" or "our clique".

If they really meant so much they would be called your friends, not your clique. Because the term clique is irritating and it's not intimate. It sounds like a mediocre corporate meeting.

-

And no,
I don't have cliques. I go around with random people. I hang out with random people.

Project J, they're not a clique. Because we are not exclusive and we are definitely not small.
And I do not call people i'm close to- my clique. I call them my friends. Great friends. They are not my exclusive small group of people.
Because we're not in "gossip girl" and no one is trying to be queen/king.

If I could choose,
I'd choose to lie here motionless.
I want to see the whole world move around me because it's easier.
It's easier to fall.
It's easier to stay there on the ground and not get up.
It's easier because standing up meant that you had to pull some strength from within.

If i chose to lie there i'm letting weakness take over,
but there are some days i wouldn't mind letting weakness take over.
I wish someone can push my dead weight of the ground,
hold me and tell me i'm going to get through this.

I need to hear those words,
"I am going to be fine"

I forgot what it was like to be intimate.
The kind of intimacy where you knew someone was with you all the way.
Not a boyfriend.

Just one special friend,
someone I could pour my entire heart to,
my thoughts,
my ideas,
my imagination.
cause I know lately thats about the only thing I wish for,
something that my heart aches for.

"No one is simply bad, or good, or brave, or cowardly, or poor decision maker, or hero at every specific point in time, we are complex beings."
-Justin Yip.

Misplaced.

"Can you believe she's christian?" ,my eccentric friend asked me.

I was telling him about this girl we didn't quite like because she was rude and obnoxious and that statement came up during lunch.

What is being a christian mean to him anyway?
I was thinking why would he say that. I was very annoyed with that statement because firstly he was no better than her and neither was I. Even if we were, who are we to say who should be christian or not.

So I posted that question back to him, "what does being a christian mean to you?"
but he kept quiet.

In my own assertiveness i questioned him again, " how are you different from her"
and there, the answer came "we are all sinners in our own way"

I just looked at him and gave him the face that suggested, "you know what you said earlier was wrong." Then we sat there during lunch, quiet. During that quietness I questioned how is it people can even think of such statements to say. It's, thoughtless, hypocritical and very clumsy.

I wondered as well, why was it she (the girl i don't really like) is always fighting back with the lecturers, telling people they are a burden. Who was she to say all that?

Days like these, make me want to scream "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I'm deathly allergic to stupid thinking."

Click to enlarge it.
Cristy and i were going through my facebook friends and we saw this. She said I should just put this as my profile. Funny.

"I am a flower quickly fading,
here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
vapour in the wind."

-

loneliness

We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easy to identify.
Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how we try.

We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.

-

I won't stop fighting until your hearts are free from captivity.
It's to the end.
I'm not going to give up but I need for you not to give up too because I plan to stick around for a very long time.
I'll fight it with you,
you won't fight it alone and I can't fight it alone.

It's a journey we are going to take together.

Nausea,
head spinning,
heart racing.
my limbs are jelly. 

I think i'm going to die ( i only feel like im going to die.)
I'm so exhausted.